Monday, April 22, 2024

Captain's Club: Cruise Rewards Program

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“You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

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Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

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I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall.

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Celebrity may have one of the better cruise line loyalty programs. Like many others, it's a bit stingy on the truly valuable perks at its lower tiers. As you rise through the six levels, though, you'll quickly reach a point where your status gets you a lot of interesting perks, discounts and freebies. Note that, as of Feb. 1, 2023, Celebrity elites no longer can get matching status when sailing with Azamara, a former sister brand. Nor will Celebrity elites get points in the Captain's Club program when sailing on Azamara ships.

All you have to do is sign up for the program. At the Preview level, you gain access to the online Captain's Club newsletter and the Loyalty Desk service center between cruises. You also can book Captain's Club promotions once you're on board your first cruise. Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life.

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I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED.

Experience dedicated, personal service in Concierge Class staterooms, or make every day a spa day when you book our AquaClass® staterooms. Receive insider offers directly from the cruise lines. “I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos,” he seems to be saying. There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned.

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Such "forever status" is one of the great allures of cruise line frequent cruiser programs. Many airline frequent flyer programs, by contrast, require loyalty members to requalify for status each year. The number of Captain's Club points you earn for cruises will vary depending on both the length of the sailing and the type of cabin you book. Had to do this time to time with some other lines.

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I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us.

I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts. If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it. And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise.

As a Classic member, you'll receive complimentary access to our Welcome Event. You'll also enjoy great ways to save with exclusive onboard premium offers. As a Preview Member, you'll receive complimentary access to our Captain's Club Loyalty Desk service center and a Captain's Club newsletter with the latest program news and information. Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup.

And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained. I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day.

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